i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
