his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
