Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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