Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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