C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
