Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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