It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
