we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
