Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
