You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
