How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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