I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
