About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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