Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
