yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
