He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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