new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
