remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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