Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Say something about gay babies.
it hurts more in the daytime
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
