the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
