fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
