So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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