My Higher Power is John Stamos
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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