Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I bet he comes in French.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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