Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
3 2 1 whiskey
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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