I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Bring me that man meat
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
