The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
