I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
