Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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