Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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