I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
