it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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