I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
