i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
