Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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