look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
