I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
