no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
