still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
