I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
