I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I wish you could order shots online.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize