i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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