i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
