textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
