During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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