The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
