would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
