just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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