im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
