I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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