Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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