living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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